Developing Soft Skills

Businesses love to talk about the best leaders have soft skills. In short they work well with people to get the most out of their teams. They are often very respected and productive workers as well.

Starting out, how do you get soft skills? Where does this reputation come from? What soft skills would you like to have?

First, most people’s reactions are not about you. They think about what affects them. So do you, but you don’t think about that. When someone is losing their cool in front of you, wait until they calm down enough to talk with. Then ask questions.

The person who listens more attentively learns the most. Don’t think about what to say next when someone else is talking. What are they saying, and what is behind it? Often the most important part of the message is not said. It comes through their attitude and phasing. Ask questions about what they are saying to keep them talking.

Was very shy as a young man. Talking with young women threw me. I literally had to practice talking with people. To be less nervous, would talk with people who I did not know and could probably not help me. Often would talk with any woman of any age about any topic. When I met attractive women of datable ages, was no longer tongue-tied.

If you really want to excel with soft skills, CARE about people around you. Get your own ego out of the way. You can learn something from everyone, and you can help more people than you think. Praise people every time you see something you like. “They won’t remember what you said. They won’t forget how you made them feel.”

Study Servant Leadership. John Maxwell is my favorite author on this subject. Leaders aren’t there to make every decision. They enable their teammates to do more tasks better, and even excel at them.

I care about your success. Otherwise would I spend the time to write this? Start trying to listen to and praise people now. Does not matter how awkward it feels at first. You will start making their day and your day.

“If you could kick the person responsible for most of your troubles, you would not be able to sit down for six months.” - Unknown

Creating Something Grand

 

What would you like to build? A business? An empire? A charity?  It is a dream now, but how do you start to make it real?

First we need a vision. Who are you going to serve? After all there has to be a purpose to our dream.

Get to know the people you are going to help. What are they like? What are their needs? Wants? Dreams? Desires?

How will they benefit from your vision?  Will they feel better? Stronger? Happier? Healthier? What are you doing for them?

The better you understand your clients the more likely you will succeed.

Remember we asked who are you going to serve? Service will be the key to your success. Become a servant leader.

Redefining Success

In High School success was passing your courses and graduating. Having friends, a date on Friday, and a date for the Prom are good.

In college success was still passing your courses, but more important was figuring out your major. Most of us had no experience whether we would like our career afterwards, but we choose them anyway.

After college success was getting your first job and an apartment. Friends and good times may be a priority. The adventurous take breaks and travel, while most of us tried to figure out what we are doing at work.

Next success was finding love and marriage. Success is finding a partner to love and who will love us.

Family comes after marriage. Success was buying a house or condo. As the family grows, success was getting a bigger house.

Getting promoted, or getting a better job was our next definition of success. Some will choose to be self employed instead.

At some point, the economy or business cycle changed and success was keeping our job as other were laid off.

Maybe your next success will be retiring, or maybe it was a recent success. Perhaps you will consider it a success to find part time work to keep you busy, or success is more games of golf.

While these are all fine goals, I think most are not a good definition of success with the exceptions of love and family. Let’s propose a better definition of success.

Success is when we take care of customers. Success is earning a living. Raising good children is a success. Success is when we make the world a better place.

Success is when we do for others selflessly. Success is not about us, not what we own, but about serving others. We succeed when we help. Help any way we can by either our time or money. Volunteer at charities or church. Volunteer in you schools or neighborhood. Just take action for others.

Isn’t that a better definition of success for you to live by? Change your definition of success and you can leave a better world. Then you are succeeding!

Ways to Have a Better Life

It is hard to separate work and life, and you are better off with an integrated life. The suggestions here will help you live and work at a higher level. The benefits of these ideas may be immediate from trying them. Others will have long term rewards.

Talk about what is good – Focus on the great to the nice parts of life to have better perspective when difficult times come.

Look for the good in people – Yes we all have flaws, but you will enjoy people more when you see their strengths and heart.

Talk with friends and family – Be with people who love you regardless of the stupid mistakes you will make. And love them unconditionally.

Hang around with positive people – Why not find people who enjoy life if you want to live life fully?

Work hard and work smart – Action is the tool that makes things happen. But we all have the same 24 hours a day. The people who get things done, do things in common. They think, visualize what they want, plan what to do in small steps, and then take action by priority. They do not do it all themselves, but build a team and delegate to be productive. They continually learn, and improve by reading, listening to seminars and making mistakes.

Volunteer and serve others – Our purpose in life is to help others, not to take from the world selfishly. “It is not about you!” [Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life]

Work with your gifts – We are all naturally good at some things. There are things you care about more than other people. Why not use what is easy for you (and not the rest of us) to make your living? A passionate employee or leader will accomplish much more in their life.

Let little things go – There are plenty of little things that you will not care about in about 2 seconds, 2 minutes, 2 hours, 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months nor 2 years. If you will laugh at this later, why not laugh now?

Stop thinking depressing thoughts – Do a “Brain Interrupt”! After 10 to 15 minutes, I catch myself, and say time to stop. Whatever it is, it will not be the end of the world. Tomorrow will come in spite of everything. Most events resolve themselves in a few days or weeks. This is easier if you are religious and can give it to God.

Laugh daily – Especially if you can laugh at yourself. You will always be entertained.

Journal your life –Write down the good and the less than perfect. See what you learn from the day, and really enjoy the successes. Lessons from mistakes are better learned without beating yourself up. Write a little down, let it go, and get on with your life.

Limit the news – Too much negativity and sensationalism will affect your attitude. In the 24 hour cable news world, “everything” is a crisis Now! To be honest, most events are not the end of the world. Keep your perspective.

Limit your vices / Moderation in everything – Too many people mess up there life with drink, drugs or sex. You want to be the person who can have fun sober, and the dependable person worth someone spending their life with you. Be moderate in moderation. A rare excess of exercise, food, drink or fun is wonderful.

Choose to Enjoy life – Life still has hard days, but then you can find joy everyday if you choose. Try it.