Developing Soft Skills

Businesses love to talk about the best leaders have soft skills. In short they work well with people to get the most out of their teams. They are often very respected and productive workers as well.

Starting out, how do you get soft skills? Where does this reputation come from? What soft skills would you like to have?

First, most people’s reactions are not about you. They think about what affects them. So do you, but you don’t think about that. When someone is losing their cool in front of you, wait until they calm down enough to talk with. Then ask questions.

The person who listens more attentively learns the most. Don’t think about what to say next when someone else is talking. What are they saying, and what is behind it? Often the most important part of the message is not said. It comes through their attitude and phasing. Ask questions about what they are saying to keep them talking.

Was very shy as a young man. Talking with young women threw me. I literally had to practice talking with people. To be less nervous, would talk with people who I did not know and could probably not help me. Often would talk with any woman of any age about any topic. When I met attractive women of datable ages, was no longer tongue-tied.

If you really want to excel with soft skills, CARE about people around you. Get your own ego out of the way. You can learn something from everyone, and you can help more people than you think. Praise people every time you see something you like. “They won’t remember what you said. They won’t forget how you made them feel.”

Study Servant Leadership. John Maxwell is my favorite author on this subject. Leaders aren’t there to make every decision. They enable their teammates to do more tasks better, and even excel at them.

I care about your success. Otherwise would I spend the time to write this? Start trying to listen to and praise people now. Does not matter how awkward it feels at first. You will start making their day and your day.

“If you could kick the person responsible for most of your troubles, you would not be able to sit down for six months.” - Unknown

Volunteer to Grow

What is not obvious is the growth that comes from being a volunteer.

Got a nice compliment from a friend after our 7^th annual Chilifest. Was tired and cleanup was wrapping, so time to go. Paul said he really appreciated how I volunteer because I do so much.

Admit being a little embarrassed in front of the other volunteers. What I did that night was not that important. Helped set up tables, got people registered and to their table, made coffee, carried things, got ice and cooked hot dogs for the kids. Nothing other people don’t do.

Dawns later, was important talking with contestants, guests, kids and volunteers to make sure everyone had a good time. Probably what stood out.

Been volunteering for a long time. Giving blood, helping organize, grunt work, picking up trash, taking money, making name tags, inviting speakers, introducing people, and making (small) donations. Not special.

However have grown from young self-centered to thinking about others. Have gone from doing it myself to being part of a community. Went from shy to social. Met great people and continue to meet community & business leaders. Even considered a leader by others. Not intentional, just happened.

How to do it? Just show up, and be willing to do something. Am willing to wash dishes or serve anyone. Act like a host/hostess. Do something you haven’t done before. Be awkward. Let someone show you. Kids can be the best teachers.

Volunteers are not experts and don’t do this everyday. Nor do the people being helped expect perfection. We joke about things being messed up, because you get the help you pay for.

The best thing is not to do something and then leave. The most important thing you can do is meet people and let them know you care. Growth comes from caring.

"Embrace fear, insecurity and uncertainty as the doorways of opportunity that they are." 

- Jenny Blake, author “Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One”

Secret to a Good Life

CBS News closing story Wednesday was about Florida State University’s Travis Rudolph visiting a school with his teammates. Instead of joining a busy table he saw a young boy by himself and sat with him. They had a wonderful talk, and Bo’s mom shared the story of him sitting with her autistic son.

Travis Rudolph is a good young man with a kind heart. He also knows the secret to a good life. This will follow him throughout his life, his time in football, his parenting, and his career. He demonstrated it with a simple act of kindness.

Get out of your own worries and needs. It is not about you. Help someone else.

Travis did not like bullying and made sure to sit with someone who needed him. Asked about the story by a reporter, Travis stated what great kid Bo was and offered his cell number to Bo’s mom if she wanted it.

Today every kid wanted to sit with Bo at lunch.

This is the second story today heard where you don’t know who you are influencing today. A 23-year-old airman headed home for his father’s wedding. He got stuck with his step mom’s 12-year-old nephew. The last thing a 23 year old wanted to do for a day. He took the boy to the air base, show him around airplanes, and talked about setting goals and working toward them.

5 years later received a videotape of the boy graduating as valedictorian, talking about achieving goals and becoming a pilot.

6 years after that he has graduated the Naval Academy and is a pilot.

Now the picture I saw today wish I could share, but it is not mine. After 17 more years the pilot is commanding officer of the Blue Angels, and he is standing in front of a blue & gold Hornet with the former airman’s two sons (the youngest is 12). You have never seen a happier, prouder smile on anyone than the Lt Ryan Bernacchi returning the favor of influencing the next generation.

Never underestimate the effect of doing the right thing, talking with someone, doing something nice, or just doing your job right. You never know who is watching and learning from you. You may never know the effect, it probably won’t be in the news, but your life will be wonderful.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/fsu-player-travis-rudolph-sits-with-sixth-grade-boy-with-autism-eating-lunch-alone/