A lot of these are expectations are unspoken. Worse, the
other people don’t have your expectations. We are on a path for conflict.
Times change. Parents retire and their gifts shrink. Family
members have health issues. Children become adults, date, get married, and have
children of their own. They may have moved to work. Now they can’t all be
together for the holiday itself.
Often families get together and act the way we did when
growing up. Your relationships with siblings and parents fall back into habits,
good or bad. Were you the rebellious child? The goody two shoes? The attention
seeker? Second parent to a younger sibling? Until significant events happen,
the family dynamic often doesn’t recognize the changes in your life. You have
grown up!
What to do when this happens? Be nice.
They don’t mean to harm you. It may feel personal, but it is
not. There is nothing wrong with sitting around with comfort food and old
movies. It is okay to hear old stories again, because that is what you will
tell your children about their grandparents, uncles and aunts. Everyone wants
to know where they came from.
Things don’t go as planned. My wife and I were to vacation
together. She got a last minute job interview in the middle of it. Changing
flights 3 days before hand would cost $650 in the last few days before
Christmas. Not worth it to either of us for what would become a long weekend
for her. Maybe she will enjoy the break
from living with me. I will still enjoy warm weather.
Preparations were thrown astray this year. Last minute
dental work and recovery time for me meant not putting up lights and
decorations, not to mention shopping. This blog was not written on schedule last
week, but done on vacation. After a long day helping my nephew rehab my
sister’s trailer. It’s life.
Someone says the wrong thing. Your favorite comfort food is
missing. Someone drinks too much eggnog. Decorations are missing. A loved one
is not with you this year. It’s not only okay to miss it/them, it’s normal. Keep
calm and carry on. What you and everyone needs are space, grace and patience.
Wishing everyone very happy holidays, rambunctious children,
family and friends to celebrate the good things in life with. Blessings all.
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